got something funny?

[freddythefox]

[im

g][/img]

[lrspeel]

WHY MEN DRINK A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not
phoned in sick
one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main
computers, he dialed
the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's
whisper.

"Hello."

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is
your Mommy
there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with ! her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message,
the boss
asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the
boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered
answer.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter
through the
earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.

&nbs! p;"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly
apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just
landed the
helicopter."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What
are they
searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:
"ME."

[arthurdent]

damn, that last one is good! and original for a change!

[dirkdigler]

new game!!!!!
file.sugarqube.com/Cards/jblo_The_Worm_Game.swf?PL=L400x300

[lrspeel]

Ok you win thats a good one

[dirkdigler]

naw I'm NO good at that game !!!!

[lrspeel]

;D One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Dirk says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Dirk deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Dirk began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Dirk hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart

[dirkdigler]

you wernt supose to say any thing!

[freddythefox]

so sorry if i offended anyone by putting up the phot of bloke with his knob out.it has now been removed.

[Ed5066]

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately
notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?"

"A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"

"Sure."

First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one
wish says the genie."

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

"Done" says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come
pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each
other through the bar door.

"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I
asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"
Now we know why Dirk likes his Bic lighter

[dirkdigler]

gerrrrrr

[seiyaryu55]

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LR-d3MxyJwA

[lrspeel]

A man goes out and buys a new Vette convertible. One night he takes it out for a spin, and stops at a red light. An old man pulls up next to him riding a mo-ped. The old man looks over the Vette and says, "What kind of car ya got there sonny?"

The man replies, "It's a 2000 Corvette, the best sports car in the USA; it cost me over $50,000."

"That's a lot of money" says the old man. Why do they cost so much?" The man answers, "Because they can go 170 miles an hour!" The old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his mo-ped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car all right!"

Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what the car can do. He floors it, and in a few seconds the speedo reads 120 MPH. Suddenly he notices a dot in his rear view mirror that seems to be catching up to him. Afraid it might be a cop, he slows down to 65 and suddenly whhhoooosshh! Something whips by him going much faster!

"What on earth could be going faster than this Vette?" the man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming towards him. Whhoooosshh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it sorta looked like the old man on the mo-ped!

"Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a mo-ped outrun a Vette?"

Then again he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whhooosshh - Blam! It plows into the back of the Vette! The man jumps out. It IS the old man! Of course, the mo-ped and the old man are in a world of hurt. The guy runs up to the old man and cries, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man groans and replies, "Yes, could you please unhook my suspenders from your side mirror?"

[dirkdigler]

lmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D

[justnuts]

The Horth Whithperer

A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse. His buddy asks,
"How will I recognize him?"
That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment."
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
"A female horth."
So he shows him a prized filly.
"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?
So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.
"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.
"Nith ear! zth, can I see her mouf"?
The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?
Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's twat, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
"Perhapth I should rephrase that; Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?