got something funny?

[lrspeel]

Subject: Walmart Greeter



A very unattractive (in fact UGLY), nasty, mean actin' woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids.

The friendly Wal-Mart Greeter, asks "Are they twins"?

The ugly woman says "Hell no, the oldest one, he's 9, and the younger one, she's 7.

"Why?..... Do you think they really look alike?"

"Hell no", replied the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice"

[lrspeel]

A cowboy walks into the dentist's office

and after an examination the dentist says, "That

tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot

of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."

The cowboy grabs the doc's arm and says, "No way.

I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "Okay, we'll have to go with gas."

The cowboy replies, "Absolutely not. It makes me

very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."

So the dentist steps out and comes back with a

glass of water, "Here," he says, "Take this pill."

The cowboy asks, "What is it?"

The doc replies,"Viagra."

The cowboy looks surprised and ask,"Will that kill

the pain?"

"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you

something to hold on to while I pull the tooth."

[lrspeel]

This is not funny where is everyone :

[hotrod]

may be fishing

[freddythefox]

or buying zippos,dont know what saints doing about it

[dirkdigler]

If you don't laugh at the end of reading this then there's something wrong with you... Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Chicago folks DID hear this on the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago. The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match." The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes," he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize. One particular game, however, several months ago made the Windy City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing I've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:


DJ: Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of Mate Match?


Contestant: (laughing) Yes, I have.


DJ: Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando, Florida if you win. What is your name? First only please.


Contestant: Brian.


DJ: Brian, are you married or what?


Brian: Yes.


DJ: Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?


Brian: (laughing nervously) Yes, I am married.


DJ: Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please.


Brian: Sarah.


DJ: Is Sarah at work, Brian?


Brian: She is gonna kill me.


DJ: Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?


Brian: (laughing) Yes, she's at work.


DJ: Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?


Brian: She is gonna kill me.


DJ: Brian! Stay with me here!


Brian: About 8 o'clock this morning.


DJ: Atta boy, Brian.


Brian: (laughing sheepishly) Well...


DJ: Question #2 - How long did it last?


Brian: About 10 minutes.


DJ: Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake.


Brian: Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.


DJ: Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?


Brian: (laughing hard) I, ummm, I, well...


DJ: This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?


Brian: Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks...


DJ: Uh huh...


Brian: ....and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.


DJ: Atta boy, Brian.


Brian: On the kitchen table.


DJ: Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this.


(3 minutes of commercials follow)


DJ: Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?


(touch tones... ringing...)


Clerk: Kinkos.


DJ: Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?


Clerk: This is she.


DJ: Sarah, this is Edgar with WBAM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.


Sarah: (laughing) A couple of hours?


DJ: Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away! or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of MateMatch?


Sarah: No.


DJ: Good!


Brian: (laughing)


Sarah: (laughing) Brian, what the hell are you up to?


Brian: (laughing) Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest.


DJ: Yeah yeah yeah. Sure.. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to


Orlando, Florida for 5 ! days on us. Disney World. Sea World. Tickets to the Magic's game. The whole deal. Get it Sarah?


Sarah: (laughing) Yes.


DJ: Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?


Sarah: Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work.


DJ: What time?


Sarah: Around 8 this morning.


DJ: Very good. Next question. How long did it last?


Sarah: 12, 15 minutes maybe.


DJ:! Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his

manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to Florida. Are you ready?


Sarah: (laughing) Yes.


DJ: Where did you have it?


Sarah: OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?


Brian: Just tell him, honey.


DJ: What is bothering you so much, Sarah?


Sarah: Well, it's just that my mom is vacationing with us and...


DJ: Come on Sarah... where did you have it?


Sarah: In the ass...


(long pause)


DJ: Folks, we need to take a station break

[freddythefox]

funny that one john

[hotrod]

They say thats the best way .

[seiyaryu55]

Well i was going through my computer through my ZT/LT stuff and came across this video that im sure many of us remember. Its funny in its own way lol:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBHG6cR1xjo

[hotrod]

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an
individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he
found four people who were equally qualified.
>
> He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.
>
> Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
>
> The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table,
the interviewer asked,
>
> "What is the fastest thing you know of?"
>
> Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A
THOUGHT."
>
>It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way;
it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."
>
> "Th at's very good!" replied the interviewer.
>
> "And now you sir?" he asked the second man.
>
> " Hmm.! Let me see. A BLINK ! It comes and goes and you don't
know > that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."
>
> "Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a
very popular cliché for speed."
>
> He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.
>
> Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the
wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across
the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant.
>
> Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can th ink of."
>
> The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and
> thought he had found his man.
>
> "It's hard to beat the speed of light," he said.
>
> Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the
same question.
>
> Old Bubba replied, "After hearing the three previous answers, It's
obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."
>
> "WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
> "Oh I can explain." said Old Bubba. "You see the other day I wasn't
> feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but, before I
could
THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit in my pants."

> Old Bubba is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

[freddythefox]

so hotrod,welcome to the site.do you collect lighters,or are you here for the laugh??

[hotrod]

;DA wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

[hotrod]

Yes i collect . My grandfather gave me around 50 to get started.

[freddythefox]

what sort do you collect??

[gtb]

A guy is stood naked in front of the mirror, admiring his body, when his wife walks into the room, he says, "look 12 stone of pure dynamite"

"Yes" says his wife, "it's just a pity about the 2 inch fuse"